A poem for my grandma who passed of dementia.
Grandma let’s talk about yesterday
Yesterday…
We sat on the porch
the hands of a clock moving as the rain, sun, and snow passed
we overturned the deck with laughter, tears, and arguments that no amount of smoke could choke out.
Grandma yesterday…
We curled up on your couch,
I took my place next to you as we shared my overbearing obstacle
in the form of a high school math textbook.
Grandma yesterday…
I shopped with you in the thrift store as you quickly found your treasures
they seemed to be waiting for you as they filled your house,
it’s as if they were just returning home.
Grandma yesterday…
You put 20 dollars in my hand
and I anxiously exchanged it for yarn, crocheting needles
and time learning from you how to make something new.
Grandma yesterday…
We sat at the kitchen table with squinted eyes and smudged fingers as we dusted, stroked, and traced our summer days with chalk, paint and pencils that only merely captured my desire to encapsulate you.
Grandma yesterday…
you put out the Mexican dolls
you painted one of the angels brown
and simply placed them where no eye could miss them and no words were needed.
Grandma yesterday…
You taught me how to embrace being dynamic with your sassy remarks
Only you could compliment with a loving look or a sweet touch.
Grandma yesterday…
I stole countless sips of your ice tea because from your glass it always taste better.
Grandma yesterday…
I began to take pictures of our moments and days that we shared.
Grandma, I’ll tell you that I took these photos so I could selfishly stay here.
Grandma today…
It feels like I’ve lost you as I struggle to keep you here
in what you’ve forgotten
And I can’t
Grandma the time has come…
I sense your presence in every detail of your house as you say I love you.
I struggle to say goodbye and place myself in a tomorrow without you in it.
Grandma tomorrow
I’ll try to say goodbye again at the alter, I’ll attempt to close this poem up and wrap it up neatly but goodbyes were never meant to exist only in today.
They are as you would say a babble babble kind of thing; long and unending
Grandma I will keep you in my yesterday, today and tomorrow.